I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
