and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
