Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I can't turn off my feet"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
