I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
