When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
