I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
