"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
