She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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