Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
