Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
