did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
