Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
