Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
its liver damage thursday
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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