Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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