I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
