haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
