First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
only if we run a train.
done.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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