dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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