Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
