More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
