I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
