Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
