im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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