East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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