The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
