So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
