her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Randomize
