The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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