Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
