you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
