I'm lost and stupid without you.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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