fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
