Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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