I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
