i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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