So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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