Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
