We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
