i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
