hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
