whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
