i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
