If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
