New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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