apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
