When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
