I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize