I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
