i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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