i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
