I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
