my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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