my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
false alarm, still single
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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