Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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