i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
