at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
