States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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