Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
