I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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