I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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