im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
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