I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
