is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
